Take Out the Garbage, Sleep on the Couch - How to Stop Using Sex As Motivation

"Would you mind going to see that [insert chick flick] with me?"
"Aw baby...not that...I hate sappy films...
"Well, if we go to the movies, I'll make sure to pop your corn later!"
"I'll go get my coat."
How many times have we been in this situation where sex was not an expression of our love but a motivator? A lot of couples see no issue in using love-making as a bartering system. It's fun, everyone gets what they want. No one gets hurt.
However, there is a situation that lies underneath the act of using sex as motivation. The issue is, at the risk of sound dramatic, abusing sex in the relationship. "What?" Sure, there's a big question mark on most heads when such as statement is made about sex. However, it is true. Using intimacy as a way to get what you want from your spouse or partner is nothing but abusing intimacy in your relationship.
Why do we see it as harmless? It's been depicted in media as far back as any of us can remember. Even if it didn't go into the bedroom like Premium cable may these days, there were still innuendos about sleeping on couches or needing extra blankets all the way back to the days of TV tubes and "I Luv Lucy." And we laughed. And the audience laughed and the characters jumped into action. We were brought up thinking sex as a motivator was "o-k."
Well, if TV said its okay, why isn't it? Why isn't it just a little fun for the promise of bedroom benefits in exchange for some task completed or errand ran? Simply, it reduces sex to a tool of manipulation and it introduces the relationship to shallow reciprocity. We stop being intimate and we start being being puppets and the string-pullers. Our relationship stops being about mutual growth and becomes about separate advancement.
How can the Innerwife help? Being that the Innerwife concept is about consideration and understanding, both spouses or partners learn to communicate and anticipate each other's needs. So, the reluctant partner will know what the asking spouse needs to do rather than have to be coerced into doing it. Rather than trying to manipulate one another, we know what needs to be done and we know how much has already been done. We give freely and lovingly and we take only what we truly need.
Return sex to what it should be: the ultimate level of connection within a relationship. Stop turning it into a playful game of control and start anew your growth into new and healthier aspects of intimacy.
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